This Is Cyprus My Friend

Words that either make you shudder or smile knowingly depending on whether you still live here or have left for the "normal" world away from the relaxed chaos that is Cyprus!
There's quite a bit to get into this post - so bear with me, it'll bring you up to speed with our first month or so back.
Week One - Arrived at our new house, it's in a village called Oroklini, known as "Little Britain" to many because of the number of expats who've settled here. We are very pleased with our house it's nicely furnished, not too big but not too small and has everything we need until our stuff arrives. We had been worried - choosing somewhere to live from photos on the internet and from a "Whatsapp" video made by Dave (a colleague) is a bit scary! Why do we not live on the base I hear you cry - well basically because we aren't married so the Military won't let us live in married quarters - but will quite happily pay for us to live in a nicer property off camp - go figure, but we aren't complaining. Monday brings my first day in the Office - I'd already met Dave and Harry, when they picked us up from Akrotiri - but how would the Cypriots take to Andy the Roster Monster coming back? Well to my relief the natives seemed friendly - they all welcomed me back with smiles - they all looked exactly the same - like they'd all been locked away in a cupboard and stored away for the last six years and wheeled back out again to greet me!
Went to the Dive club on Tuesday - what have they done to it?????? I'm not going to expand on that at the minute for fear I go off on one and offend half the diving expat population of Cyprus! But the goods thing was I met Ian and Anita and little Ralph again - it was genuinely good to see them.
Tried to get the internet connected this week - tried to it online at work - now this should be easy, you fill in a form, have pay some money and a few days later you have telephone and internet don't you? Not in Cyprus, you pay some money, fill in a form, print off the form which tells you to take the form to a shop. On the way to the shop somebody rings and says because you are foreign you need another 150 euros before they will connect you, you get to the shop and a very nice girl completes the form you'd already completed, says she's sorted out the 150 euros and I don't need to pay it, asks you to take a photo of the phone box thing on the front of your house and e-mail it to her and then in 24 working days time they will connect the internet. I asked why it took so long, got a shrug....this is Cyprus my friend
End of week one I find a dog at the checkpoint - Jo the office clerk runs a rehoming charity place so through her find said dog a home - but we have to keep him over the weekend. Fatal mistake - Dusty turns out to be cute as a cute thing, doesn't bark, plays nicely and generally behaves himself - he hasn't left us yet!

Week Two - No idea what happened in week two - I met loads of people who's names I can't remember now, went to umpteen meetings about stuff that isn't really important and to which I will delegate a deputy and Beccy walked around the village and sunbathed around our pool.

Week Three - still no internet - but a man has been round to inspect the box at the front of the house, He scratches his head a bit because it hasn't got a label in it - makes some calls and goes away. Our car is due to arrive this week - I give it a few days after it was supposed to be here then ring up and ask when it's coming. Imagine my surprise when I'm told that it hasn't left England yet (by e-mail mind because the girl dealing with it was "on the other line" when I rang) - apparently there'd been a strike which had delayed it. I checked - no there wasn't they just forgot to put it on the bloody boat. Still haven't changed the roster - the Cypriots are still asking though - they are definitely worried! I just smile it worries them more.

Things I've learnt this week - I'm not very bendy - yoga (yes you read that right yoga) might not be my thing.I struggle with standing on one leg holding my toe with my leg stretched out in front of me - my arms simply aren't long enough - Beccy is happy I'm going with her though.

Week Four - Meetings continue unabated, I've now met all the dignitaries within the SBA and reacquainted myself with Nejdet the Muktah of Pyla - he still won't look me in the eye! The internet has been connected, no idea why it took so long but it's sorted now. The car should be here on 18th October - I'm not holding my breath though. Went diving with Ian at Konnos Point, I was a bit nervous to be honest six years is a long time but after a couple of minutes back in the water it was like I'd never been out of it. There were more fish than I remember which is good. Greek lessons have started -  learning the alphabet frazzled Beccy's brain - not sure she'll make it to the next class - Bs pronounced V, H that is EE and about seven other combinations of letters that are all pronounced EE blew her away! Numbers next week - that'll be fun!

Right that's more or less up to date - so off for a home made version of Brandy sour made with lemons off own tree - cheers